its another of those mornings of just me and God, bible and journal, breakfast and coffee, assignments and deadlines.
[Psalm 63:2] So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains. I bless you every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to you. i love it when things get tough, thats when my faith gets even tougher.
Soared at11/04/2008 11:16:00 AM
Monday, September 22, 2008
i havent been to my blog for so long that it no longer have auto-completion of the website i had to type onions-and-more-onions..=tedious and in my mind i will imagine a mountain of onions come tumbling down towards me.. a chill down the spine~
i nearly forgot the password to sign in.
becoming closer to God=becoming more like winnie yes, i am a perfectionist yes, i am systematic yes, i am reflective yes, i am an introvert yes, i am a listener yes, i am phlegmatic yes, i am an observer yes, i like to watch tv and read comics yes, i am lazy
yes, i AM INNOCENT
and yes, i am unspiritual.
thats what God made me to be=thats what make me beautiful.
oh, yes, i AM beautiful. i've been learning how to love. this puny brain of mine had some revelation. the great commission starts with love and its all about love. suchdeep insight isnt it? and learning it require me to tear down all my defences, to be completely vulnerable, to dare to read about news that i know would cut my heart deeply, with pain, anguish, empathy and sadness. we too, can have love wide as the sky.. cause our hearts are filled with love more huge than the universe. love, is never about i. theres no 'I' in 'love' anyway.
my backpack got stolen=God is good. just like Italy has the best pizzas, NUS has the most ridiculous happenings. while patting my head for my own stupidity to trust in humanity, never a moment i doubted God's goodness, never a moment i doubted God's control. perhaps someone needed to see His reality through my loss, perhaps it'll go a round of touring before it comes back to me, perhaps, i'll never get it back.. the peace within is so assuring it allows no room for complains or panic.
God is good all the time.
i read Mr Hong Teck's blog i fell in love..... with his blog... before i knew how he looks like~ i love his passion for what kids can do for God in the future, i love his simplicity, i love his concise and sharp reflections. i love his love for his wife.. (he told his wife "i've lived my best life because of you"! awww~) i love his not-meant-to-laugh-out-loud humour (he said one of the ways to be cool is to not be shocked or surprised by anything,well, at least dont look like you do.) i love it when i come across a point of reflection that i can identify with, i just feel like tearing. indeed, just remain simple and God's future for us will be not so simple.
i've been reading "nurture" by Lisa Bevere "envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has." - Elizabeth O' Connor "i have very strong opinions, but i also have a lot of influence, so i have to be careful" "if i made the conflict personal, there would be no true or lasting solution" "the trick is walking away from your time of prayer believing the answer is yours when in that moment you did not hear a thing." "intuition- it is not about an exercise of human self-actualization, but a connection with the divine and holy one" "go the distance-be strong, free, and unafraid" i want to expand my heart and mind, to offer life and love, to fellow princesses of the king. love each one from the inside, believing that surely each shell contains a pearl. even when they fail and disappoint, just keep believing.
My bag was found=God really is good working in ways i often do not understand, God never ever fails. i know that with all the things going on between me and Him the past few days, the outcome is just like running 2.4 and expecting to finish it. God loves in such a personal way, others would never understand. sometimes, its enough to just smile in my heart and know, all is well.
At this moment i am feeling a bit sad. ketchup is not equals to license. i want to keep believing, i really want to.
i shall not dwell on it.
Soared at9/22/2008 08:50:00 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2008
everything made so much sense again, God is so real, the vision is so real, what it requires of me is so real.
come on winnie, come to terms with it, you've got to keep your heart fiery hot, you've got to keep burning, you know satan will slow you down, and if it takes every ounce of your energy to keep yourself burning, jolly well do it.
been having sleepless nights, lie on the bed and cannot go to sleep. i wonder if those are God's ways to book some real private time with me. so when i cant sleep, i talk to the hot hunk above, and im not sure if its Him or myself, many thoughts would drop into my heart.
i started to think about the many young gals and guys who said that they are ready for a relationship. i cant help but think maybe i'm rather immature. up till this moment, this second, i can honestly say that i'm really really not ready for any of these sorts. i know that if it comes, my life will be consumed by it,
i do have desires to be special to somebody, come on, admit it, who dont? but along the years, i filled the desire with other great things. God's love, biblical friendships, serving God. and its just so amazing how God loves me so personally and just especially for me. say i'm suaku, say i'm a nun, i choose to wait for His best =) *shrugs*
if my soft-like-tofu heart is the key for God to keep using me, the thing that'll help me give my very best into every single responsibility given, and a reminder for me to keep depending on Him, let me keep that. as a result i might appear loser to be sincere about every small role, im not able to respond humorously to things, and people may say im too innocent. oh wells *shrugs* i wanna remain easy-going with God. cause anything other than Him and people He loves, i don't care. (i pray i'm as serious about it as i sound)
my bloggy is about me and myself again, always believed private victory will lead to public victory. perhaps its a matter of the motives again.. honestly its not that my whole life i only care about motives, i only know that God will not bless wrong motives. but no point either, to be so stubborn with motives and do nothing in life, thats just as good as having tight security on the safety box with nothing of value inside.
"integrity is doing what i said i would do, how i said i would do, when i said i would do." woman of integrity=woman of my words....? *pondering*
Soared at7/06/2008 02:46:00 AM
Thursday, May 08, 2008
it's that easy-just walk across the room.
today after tamar's birthday surprise, i was terribly late for home. and i was left with a total of 7 mins to reach home. from town to clementi. if God can make me fly, i pray He'd show himself real. but He had other plans for me, and perhaps, for him.=)
i hopped onto a random cab, "clementi ave 1 please" *panting* i guess uncle could tell i was rushing, so he quicky drove off to my home~
and soon, he asked me, "do you listen to this radio station? 93.8fm"
"nah, i dont."smiled politely=)
"theres a very good presenter, Deborah xxx (i couldnt remember the full name=p), she talks about health, and updates, speaks really well! and today she was reported R.I.P!!"
"heh heh" (it took me quite awhile to figure out what was R.I.P), and when i finally did, i literally jumped up, "FOR REAL??!!!" he got a shock n we nearly got into an accident.
"yeah, lifes really fragile right"
ooh ooh, i could feel it i could feel it, it's a chance to turn it into a spiritual conversation..
"God! help me help me! give me opportunity to share about you!" my heart desperately cried out, yet trying to remain calm.
"my wife eh, got lung cancer you know.. third stage already, under kimo now, and at first we still didnt know man, she was about to go through an operation then the doctor discovered the cancer."
"come on God, how to direct it there? i just ask if she knows God? ask if she goes to church? ASK IF SHE'S GONNA DIE SOON??!!"
"luckily we discovered it earlier, if not it will be the fourth stage already.. fourth stage no cure already right?"
"ok come on, go, tell him perhaps it was God working in this"
"yeah, then you know kimo one time 4k, one month 4 times then 16k you know~ hai heavy burden, fortunately the company's paying 70% of it, if not where to get the money.."
"yeah, thats very expensive."
"ok, ask him if she has any support group to like go through it with her, and then give him the example of like in church people really support each other through difficult times, okok go!"
"yeah but its really a miracle know, that my wife survive. that time she fell back, and hurt her spinal cord in church(oh my gosh oh my gosh did you say church? really? church?!=D=D=D=D) so she had to go for an operation know.."
"oh! so thats when the cancer was discovered?"
"yeah, really miracle u know"
"yeah! perhaps it's like a blessing in disguise?=)" (if your were there watching my heart it was jumping and leaping for joy like a mad woman. oh, no, like a mad heart.)
"yes yes, our lives in God's hand ah." (uh huh! gotcha! so we've been doing the exact same thing ever since the beginning! trying to direct the whole conversation to God!! exposed exposed!!) haha
"yeah its true its true! does she still go to church now?"
"yup she does."(i bet he was thinking what i was thinking! like oh great, you're a christian too)
"then yourself? do u get to go church too? cause it quite tough right, to find time and all.."
"yeah i do, as much as i can lah, cause like you know arh, the taxi rental 180 a day u know, we have to earn alot just to break even..hai very tough very tough.."
"yeah, its true, not easy yeah."
and then we went on and on talking about many many things, he asked me what course i wanna study, so i told him i wanna study psychology and give my best to point people to God, and he went on talking about cancer research and everything.. i was just listening and nodding, but that smile on my face didnt for a second fade away.
and then it was clementi ave 1(somehow i felt that he was driving pretty slowly during the second part of the journey and conversation, esp after we exposed each other. haha)
"thanks uncle, keep the change. and i'm very encouraged by you. keep sharing to your passengers about God."=)
he just smiled. blushing.
it was that easy, and that natural, for him to direct people to God. it guess, it came from a heart overflowing with God's love. i went on the cab wanting to plant a seed of faith in uncle's heart, he drove me home, having the same intention. (and obviously he was more skillful in it! look at the amount of struggle i went through, ahah!) but we both parted with great joy overflowing in our hearts. i know, we were both encouraged. and we will both continue taking every opportunity to reach out to the lost.
reaching out, is really that easy, just like walking across the room.
Soared at5/08/2008 01:13:00 AM
Thursday, May 01, 2008
30th april marked the day that...
i throw away my april contact lens..
haha but not just that!!
it marked the day that the fat ninjas came together,
spent time seeking God,
and asking God to refine the convictions He has placed in our hearts.
we poured our hearts out,
laughed at one others' random dreams,
and each took a piece of each ones' conviction and placed them in our hearts, we wanna value one anothers' dreams like our own.
so to kick start,
we have the all time supporter of girl power,
ready to start a revolution to overthrow man,
JOANNE LEE ZHI HAN!
"I want to be independent!!" Lee believes strongly that women can and should be powerful! she detests those who whole day whole night dream about marriage, and depending on a rich husband.. *oops i better watch out for her when i talk about my boyfriendsssss haha* when she has the ability to, she'll start a riot and do something extraordinary for the world to see! and she has successfully bought me into her team of rioters, so yes, wait for the girl power to shine.~ i bet you'll have to take your hat off her. and and and! she dreams of 40 crescentians before she graduates! hey gal, with God, dreams are reality.=)
next, we have bao yux with suppose-to-be-convicted-but-end-up-looking-constipated-pose! "i want to see people understanding the real meaning behind God's word!" there she exclaimed, calm but firm. "the word FULL-FORCE! kept coming into my mind, people should really go FULL-FORCE! for God!" and on and on and on she went.. if you give her the whole night, she'll be more than excited to elaborate for you what does FULL-FORCE with an exclamation mark means! and we all know that in her heart, she prays for her family to come to experience the "FULL-FORCE with an exclamation mark" kind of journey with God. keep going girl, God remembers all your 3 hour quiet times.
and and! next in the circle, BRIDGET THE-MOST-EXCITED-SHARE-UNTIL-SWEAT-LIKE-MAD-DANCING QUEEN!! she really really wants to live a life worthy of God's calling! one that is just blameless, and pure, gives all out for God*pretty much like how she's living now eh?=)* and and! she wants to become..... THE FEMALE VERSION OF PAUL!! so we excitedly contributed what should her name be... pauline,paulo,paular...and and POPIAH!! i personally think POPIAH is the best. and next time after many decades, people will exclaim "POPIAH IS MY OU XIANG!!" on top of that, she's gonna give her life into building a group of girls, whom just live to outreach, just like paul/popiah, whenever and wherever there needs pioneers, everyone's ready to go. go popiah! you have my support.=)
and the next is ANG! Oops, no..its JOANGALISONAGNES!*so long i dont even know if i spelt correctly=P* this girl was sitting beside baoyux but happily changed her seat, so yeah, she became more stressed after popiah unleashed her dreams that she kept for the past two years.
"i hate it when people have no purpose in life!!" strong word strong word but you see her conviction! life is about the creator, and so our lives should be about God's purpose in our lives. that explains why she's like a bumble bee, always active, always on track, always faithfully sending weekly schedules to us, every day we live must have a purpose!! and and.. guess what! she's ready to join LEE in a revolution any time too! cause in two years time, you're gonna see her leading a district of GIRLS, who will most prob be recruited into LEE''s revolution/riot to showcase girl power. watch out man!! go ang, i know you can achieve great things, because you're always driven and willing. God will use you.
CLEO LIME! as you can see, her convicted pose has an extra toy(as how ang likes to describe) TISSUE!! this is due to the really really funny joke that yenli and bridget contributed to.. and the joke was about little winnies running around-___- you can sense how funny the joke was eh, that she laughed and laughed and laughed and and and she cried!!!! if i didnt remmeber wrongly, it was at the part when bridget said baby winnie will come out of the womb not crying but YO-ING!! how exciting will it be man~ and then sherlyn added"wah cleo cry so much about little winnie, then you must make your child her godmother. ???!!!! ok, nevermind about little winnies and them being cleo lime's godmothers. cleo's mind is all full of apologetics!! she believes that people should get a convincing answer to all the wierd questions they ask! so that no atheist is able to prove that God doesnt exist.. please do lend a helping hand to limie cleo by providing your answers to her many many questions her friends ask! she'll be forever grateful and maybe consider promoting you to her bro who will soon become a strong and biblical good-catch.
and she believes God for many many more things! to be more expressive, to be more confident, to dare to do the right thing and for her family to slide back to God. gogogo cleo, remember as long as you do the right thing, no one will say anything. at least those who are right wont. those who are not, they'll always have something to say.=)
ok this is getting long but hang in there! convictions are never meant to bore anyone~ so next is the self-claimed-forever-sweet-16-oldie in the team, YENLI aka TIFFANY! since many decades ago, she has already given her life into living a life that simply pleases God. if you say im the check-your-motive-girl, i tell you she's no different! she checks her own motives more than you go toilet to pee. that explains all the outbreaks of laughter during our shepherdings, cause we can so understand what each other's talking about!!
and and, once again we share the same heart beat in this, build strong and biblical women for the kingdom! so that next time, wherever the kingdom needs, just go to her group and pick up anyone there! they're ready to where God has called them to.
church-planting runs in her blood, despite all the very-broke-no-money-for-phonebill-and-everything-days, she's trying her very best to save up money for missions trip in the future. *hopefully that money's not used to settle the next meal*=P cause God will always provide right?=)
tiffany! we all belive you are really still young! dont be afraid to dream big for God! you may lack in many things, but He who is above will lavish in abundance. see you in africa,china,middle-east,europe,new-york,US...leave your footprints all over the world!
abit more abit more! SHERLYN TAN!! yes yes she is the one who suggested i should make little winnies cleo lime's godmother. anyway anyway~ look at her convicted pose and you know, she's dead serious about bringing people down the aisle during alter call. she'll shine with God's light, she'll glow with a big big smile, till she has no more eyes. and everyone,promise that you'll clap the hardest and the loudest. and by then, she'll be the leader of at least two cgs of her pionnering school!
keep climbing sherlyn, it's not the peak yet, but i know, and God knows, you're just this close to the top of the mountain. dont give up.
and lastly lastly yours truly! please dont look down on the always-kena-made-fun-of-as-baboon-fat-ninja okay! i too, have a heart that palpitates with the belief that no one is too small to be used by God! no matter how insignificant anyone may be, God can make nobodies into somebodies. i'll give my life to speak faith into peoples' lives, that anyone can be changed to do noble things for the kingdom.
and secondly, i'm dead convicted to build a generation of women, who are beautiful inside out. young women who have total security that they dont have to be pretty to be beautiful. the used-to-be-queen-of-insecurity will promise with my heart upside-down that confidence and security really are not found in pretty faces and good figures. if you perceive me as secure, you should then know where it comes from=) still work-in-progress though=)
and to sum it up, "many women do noble things, but you,winnie, surpass them all."-this, i'm living for. i know you know it.
it totally amazes me how uplifting it is, just by listening to the convictions and dreams God has placed in each of our hearts. without the constrain of time, i think we could go on and on and on till theres no tomorrow! but well, tomorrow still got to come cause we need it to live out our convictions.
feel free to pop by our lives and check if we're on track, now that you know the things we hold on tightly to.
fat ninjas, keep living for a cause greater than ourselves. thats what we're here for. and keep dreaming bigger and bigger, so that God can make us fly higher and higher. i can never thank God enough for the privilege of serving alongside you girls.
"many women do noble things, but you, fat ninjas, surpass them all."
hey world, watch for us, we're on the way.
Soared at5/01/2008 06:15:00 PM
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
was reading the parable of the wedding banquet this morning, and cant help but amazed by how wise Jesus was, and how appropriately the parable was used to describe the kingdom of heaven.
first thing that struck me was that God is so generous in extending His invitation to us, to enter His kingdom. those wierd promptings and stirring of the heart, was God poking and whispering into our soul, even when we shut Him off, He's always at the door of our hearts, knocking, knocking.
and then i realized, people refused to go for the wedding banquet because they had their own agendas. just like how we all have our own plans, our own ambitions, and things we choose to pack our time with, till we have no time for God, oblivious to the fact that we're missing out on the greatest things ever.
"whats the use of climbing the ladder of success, only to find that it's leaning against the wrong building?"-James Dobson and moreover, when we attend weddings, we got to bring gifts. so similarly, entering God's kingdom would require us to offer our finance, our time, our efforts. we've got something to give, before receiving from Him what's multiple times better than what we offered.
and of course, when we've rejected God many many times, we forsake God's grace, and God will look for people whose hearts are soft, and would look at the invitation with gratitude. which reminds me "those who have tasted the goodness of God, and yet take the word of God lightly, will be easily abandoned by God."
we're the one who really need Him. so so badly.
wedding clothes are provided by the host, they are a must for those attending the wedding. those who refuse to put in on may be too prideful and thought they did not need them. the clothes represent God's righteousness that we must choose to be clothed in. receiving salvation must come with obedience of the word in the later stage.
God, help me not to take your salvation for granted, help me to believe with faith that the wedding banquet would be so gorgeous, and with great things to offer, that i'll never regret forsaking my own agenda to enter it. help me, to never reject any invitation and always view it as such a great privilege, help me to never look out to the door and be envious of what people are doing outside. they are the ones truly missing out. and perhaps, if im focused and concentrate on the banquet, i wont even be distracted by the things outside. help me, to also see the greatness of the banquet and then together with the host, invite people in, to see the greatness of it, help them to put on the wedding clothes, and lead them to be the chosen one as well. v14:"for many are invited, few are chosen." I want to be chosen. if the desert of sin in exodus was a place You test and shape the character of Your people, i pray you'll never forget to bring me there.
yo guys!my promise to you:
1.i promise to make your growth my goal, and relate to you with sincerity and purity.
2.i promise to build close friendships with a group of you and not make any exclusive.
3.i promise to not be emotionally dependent on you but be honest and open in sharing with you about my life.
4.i promise to not feel jealous that you are closer to other girls than to me,and i will not try to intentionally make myself special to you/
make you like me despite my desire to feel valued and special to someone.
5.i promise to put God in the center of our friendship,i will not try to leave you a good impression of me by holding back from speaking up when i see your life off track.
i want you to love God more not love me more.
6.i promise to not give any misleading signs(though i'm not really capable of giving=p).
7.i promise to humbly receive help when you are being the gentleman God has called you to be, but also to be responsible to carry my own load and not take advantage in any way.
8.i promise to be a life-long learner so that conversations with me may add value to you in any small little ways possible.
9.i promise to not flirt with you in any way(if im ever capable to),whether is it laughing at unfunny jokes,or paying special attention to you making you think that i like you.
10.lastly, i promise to not expect you to be exactly like pastor willy, but learn to appreciate your own unique strengths=p
to my future husband:
am so excited to meet you!
serve God together with you and living out the love story God wrote for exclusively the both of us.
but before this i really want to give the best of myself to God and His kingdom,
realizing the dreams that He has put into my heart
and to be moulded to become who He promised He'll make me to be.
i know you too will be excited to meet a winnie that God smiles at wide wide
i promise to keep developing myself,so that i'll present to you nothing but the best of me when we meet
so for now,i put this aside and continue sprinting in this race
and keep learning to unveil the beauty God has called me to unveil
see you. =)