Saturday, May 20, 2006
i read may's blog..and that makes me wanna update my dear blog that i've been real inconsistent with. many thoughts went through my mind during the week, pondering on God's truth, the world's standards and about people.

the other day the class was debating whether there should be death sentence in a country. it kept me thinking for quite some time.you see, is given to people who are sinful and commit crime, yet the law is set by fellow sinful human.and who has the right to take away God's beloveds? i mean so what if these people have the authority?they belong to God, not just the country.however,there must be a way that God has provided for leaders of the country to maintain and govern the society right? and they were saying it depends on the severity of the crime.but God's love and grace is unconditional...yes no matter how sinful, its given to us free. so?

talking about unconditional grace, im so so thankful. many times i find it so difficult to forgive myself and accept my weaknesses.many times i feel so defeated by how i always fail to fight that spiritual warfare, to allow the desires of the flesh to overtake the most important thing. i tried to eat, talk to people,taking some time out to just sit alone and think..haha n in the end i fall asleep.

and you know what is the thing that always pick me up?
GRACE
oh amazing grace, given unto me unconditionally.

n to be very very honest..this week i've been doubting God's chosen servant, me. i kept thinking is taking care of God's people the only way that i can serve Him? maybe there are other strengths in me that i am better at?

and God gave me the answer: "if you love me, take care of my flock"

and that make me stand strong once again.yes i wanna love God, and so i wanna give my life to taking care of His people.despite my past, my weaknesses, my inadequacy. HE CHOSE ME. that grace is enough for me to carry on.

"am i enough?"
"yes God, more than enough."

i had a great time with seili today! we went to eat, we talked about things in our hearts, we laughed and we shared life together. im so so thnakful that i chose to spend that few hours of my life with her.she has such a simple heart, shes honest about her feelings, and shes very sensitive to people's feelings.is so comfortable being with her. she's always able to look at qualities about people around her beyond the surface.yet she doesnt judge. shes so giving! we had a great time buying things for our classmates,simple and cheap things, but filled with our love! God, thankew for bringing me into seili's life and look at things in whole new perspectives.

and may! happy birthday! i was wondering what can i give you, to bless you. hehe and yes, am still thinking.muaha.thankew for sharing so openly in your blog, i feel assured and encouraged, knowing that im not alone in those spiritual warfare struggles. hey but we are weak, so we are made strong.
tnankew for not being judgemental, is so easy to relate with you,how you appreciate simple blessings in your life,those seemingly insignificant things that other people overlook, you give thanks for them.i've yet to know you well enough yet, but thankew for pacing me the other time and being genuinly happy for other people's achievements.that i wanna learn from you:) continue to keep that purity till you meet the best one from God,and let God heal you of whatever past that you're still dwelling in.stand strong! you are never alone. :)

i need time alone...i seriously need. not that im being emotional or smthing..haha just that ..yah i need time, just me and DAD.

i'm finally done with authentic beauty!and i have a whole new image of a perfect lover. i want my best one to be the motivator of my desire of the true prince, that after i spend time with him, i'll end up on my knee and poring over God's word,and desiring for Him even more. yes, more time together, more spiritual intimacy,not physical.

and now i can start with captivating!am so into books of such themes, to strive hard to be that set apart young woman,that when God looks at my life, He smiles..yes a wide smile like ronald macdonald. :)

oh i miss swimming..its been so long since i last swam, maybe coz angelina's not around? hmm miss those times of reflections in the pool..n sometimes just letting my thoughts run wild..not in that sense of wild, but just wild.or maybe just be set free from the world..oh or just engage in a secret conversation with DAD.

n oh..my another dilemma.SHOULD I JOIN NETBALL??!! is never my intention to do that..coz it takes time..n i went for one training..it was tiring.but you know..hazel liew is becomeing like a ..hmm shant say..not good..as in she just keep pestering me! haz..n im soft hearted..real soft..i prayed about it..and i need an answer..if theres a better plan for me in there, i will give my time into that.search my heart and know my desire to persue you,and open my eyes to see what you have for me.

okay!is a long entry..and blogging is the only thing my comp allow me to do now..haiz..not even check mail..hmm oh well..that gives me more time to do other things.

[even if the world is coming to an end tmr, i would still plant my apple tree]

Soared at 5/20/2006 12:44:00 AM