Wednesday, June 14, 2006
finally back to revive my blog! taking a break from blogging makes me journalise more, i wrote 6 pages last night! hmm hmm so how! haha shall learn to balance.. :)

its so beautiful to communicate with God on paper, complete freedom and expression of emotions..my heart laid bare and raw..sensitive to any nudgging..like releasing a heavy burden i've been trying to carry on my shoulder.thankew dad. :D

yup so during the neglection of my dear blog..i went for church camp, missed a sat service,studied abit and went for new testament survey.

camp was filled with doubts n fear..fearful that i would lose the presence of God and the holy spirit in my life..i cried out in helplessness..you know,those desperate prayers.i was picked up from unworthyness, doubt and fear. i didnt know how was i ever going to continue leading with such a state,i felt so sinful,depriving other ppl's growth becoz of my condition..it just doesnt make sense..i should be the one begging God to let me take care of His ppl, coz i love Him..not being bitter about this noble task.

now i feel so honoured and privileged.

n something happened..it changed my life.at 2.57 10th june..i witnessed it..something i've never witnessed before. i had breakthrough in my tongues,in my faith and in realizing the way God loves me.

yeah i felt it.

i dont know exactly how to describe the camp..just once again sure that im in an adventure worthy of my whole life.

new testament survey was real good too!went back to many elementary truths,those milk that i should consume before i move on further to consume solid food.pondered about many things as well..my motives of serving God,my spirit toward leading and serving.its a good reflection.:)

I miss seeing God so active in my life. I have been living with my eyes and mind close. I was so fearful to make requests to God, fearing He was not fulfil them, and I will enable myself to be let down again. But today, really is God calling me to trust in Him again. Trust in Him. Don't hold on so tight to yourself and your life, trust in Jesus. Jesus has it all in His hands.-shuyi 7th june

got that from shuyi's blog..n oh my oh my! that was exactly how i was feeling..that fear that i mentioned above..i couldnt explain properly in words..n i felt ashamed of it. God, thankew..that im not the only one that experience that fear, and thankew that she's not the only one who overcame it. haha you gave me victory as well.:)

i think i had a breakthrough in my faith level, straight after camp.many things happened that are testing my faith, which i shant share here.my first reaction to all happenings were to PRAY.to commit to the supernatural, to depend on Him and to rest in this trust.

prayer-is acknowledging that this is beyond human ability,and humbly submitting it to someone higher. yeah thats what i think.

oh oh!talking about all these happenings,i got an analogy the other day while writing to Dad..every bit of our lives is like a piece of jig-saw puzzle,these pieces contain sorrow, joy, problems,breakthroughs emotions..and God puts them together, and at the end,they will all form a beautiful picture,a perfect one,a moving happening,a heart-warming sight, all by God's hand.

its a great assurance, coz though am holding on to a sad piece of puzzle,i know it at the back of my head that i it's still a part of the perfect picture which He will show me in due time.cant wait :)

i am very very thankful for central a, this is a group of people that i really enjoy to be with.i dont have to struggle whether to spend time with them or with my other friends, coz its just so great being around them. they are so accepting, so loving and so supportive. they willingly open up their lives and share with one another,affirm every good deed and care for every hurt. in them, i see that when a member is not doing well, it affects everyone.i love singing hosanna songs with them, love mumbling the nothing song, love posing dashing with them,love laughing with them,just love being with them. guess they are the pillars of strength to my ministry.even if one day i feel real real real dry,and tempted to leave the church,they will be the people who will pull me back.

hey central a, thankew for acknowledging God's authority upon me and accepting me though am so flawed.many times i didnt set the example or did i do my ultimate best to help you grow.but its my prayer that one day i can confidently say: imitate me as i imitate christ. i wanna give a part of my life to you, if you are willing to.n i wanna make you my best friends.yeah BEST FRIENDS. :)

now as i think,i realized that i've never really showed my appreciation towards daniel.i made a crown for him during camp too,hmm but i didnt give in the end.haha.i have never met any leader like daniel,he's so firm in the word, holds great conviction for things of God's heart. He takes full responsibility of His group,taking every effort to get to know the ppl in central and writing cards to all birthday ppl, though it may not be all that easy and convenient for him.i think he's the most xi xin guy i've ever seen,remember small details like who is not feeling well or whats going thru in ppl's life.he takes effort to understand ppl very different from him and balances love and passion so so well.always very amazed at his humility,so real and so easy to talk to. one who identifies with struggles and so ready to share his weaknesses.hey daniel! am so so thankful that God allow me to serve under a leader like you..with your guidance and all,i know im never alone in my ministry.tnankew for your example,i learnt alot and have alot more to learn from you.n i will make it a point to pray for you, coz thats the best gift of blessing and appreciation i can give to you. thankew daniel! :)

was talking to sandy mila and hosanna the other day, n we came to a conclusion that our church is so so cool! we have lotsa fun as we serve, it attracts teenagers yet always firm on principles of the bible.our pastor is fashionable and cool n doesnt wear robe! haha the leaders are faith-filled yet logical ppl.we are open to sensitive discussions and just makes ppl feel belonged.one word: tnankful.

simplicity vs complex

i dont know what am i, i like to think, and as i think,things become not so simple anymore, but well, when i look back to the word of God, everything becomes so clear and simple again. i like it this way :)

yeah im so long winded again..oh well,its time to sleep, tmr is study day and i can see my classmates! and meeting seili early to buy slippers.

i wanna blog about ppl around me more..coz God already has a winnie-centred blog for me in heaven, may my blog be one that edifies others.

beauty is living for others...if it is, i want beauty.

even if its not, i still want beauty.haha

Soared at 6/14/2006 11:30:00 PM