Saturday, August 12, 2006
i spent some time yesterday thinking, and i think until today,keep thinking and keep thinking.sometimes to find an answer, sometimes to just dwell in certain beautiful thoughts, sometimes get lost in my own thoughts.felt a little abnormal today, a little down i guess? but for no reason.

probably was frustrated at those thoughts i wanna get rid yet i cant,or because i became emotional after reading someone's blog.i wasnt sure if i wanted to talk it out,but i tried to look for a perfect emotional dependence n i couldnt find.not that not one's available for me to talk to, just that there are certain things u just feel like telling this someone who understands perfectly well,and will keep it to himself, and will listen patiently and never interrupt.

yah, He came into my mind...=)

i was thinking,friends always get closer when there are common things in them.whether izit feelings, backgrounds,experiences, it always feels good to have someone really understand the things we go through and our feelings.yet, there's something within us that long to be different and unique.we get sick and tired of seeing people on the street wearing identical clothes of ours,we like personalised things more and more,and its my biggest dread to see another winnie thats exactly the same as me.

haa and u know what,the God that people think have nothing better to do, took the effort to knit us one by one to be who we are.our character,our favourites,our hates,our strengths,our weaknesses,our shape,our looks...our everything.

so glad am unique.

during chinese we talked about some history,of china..about how the red army followed and worshipped mao zedong to the extreme.they were like crazy over him!they talked to his portrait, read and memorized his little red book, obey him wholeheartedly,and did everything he said.i was thinking,dont they have a mind of their own?

and suddenly my heart was gripped with fear,what if the way i follow God is like the way they worshipped mao?i dont think they were stupid,and im not either.of course the context is different,but why is following God seem so extraordinary to some people just like how we think the red army was wierd?

but if im just following blindly,why do i feel such extraordinary love and peace whenever i need?why do i find all the answers to life in the bible?why do things happen in such coincidence that we just cant explain without this God?why does it feel so rewarding and fulfilling to serve Him though many times tired like a mad cow?

at times when i dont feel God,i thought am following God because there were no other alternatives opened up for me,i thought since i started serving so early,i've already lost the chance of pursuing other dreams.and when i stepped into jc, many many kinds of lifestyles opened to me,there were times i was tempted to just jump into these paths and try them out.

yet, somehow,they were just not convincing and appealing enough.yah attractive indeed,but really, nothing makes more sense than giving my youth to Him.all these thinking just makes me more convicted of why i lead the life am leading.

thank you God.=)

i fell in love with the word YET. or rather how its used in the song..

and through the storms,yet i will praise you
despite it all,yet i will sing
through good or bad,yet i will worship
for you remain the same
king of kings.

yeah indeed,we human always change our mind.just yesterday i can feel all hyped up and on cloud 9, and today i can suddenly feel so low..the constant variable is always God.

long long entry again...long-winded winnie.

got more things to do.tired but worth it.=)

Soared at 8/12/2006 12:27:00 AM