Friday, November 10, 2006
am pretty sure i'm stressed..
haha having some sort of withdrawal syndrom..
i spent the past 15 minutes trying out different computer games..
play and play...
i guess is a form of escape and naively thinking that i can stop thinking about all those while playing ...
haha n i've officially proved the invalidity of my pw proposal..
computer games dont help to relieve stress..
they made me more stressed...=p
but exactly what am i so stressed about??
oh man it scares me to just list them down..
oh well..the night was like a battle..
fixing the dates to fly back hk to visit my grandma..
finally coming to a conclusion, and the best possible dates 18th-2nd jan, i realized all my passports,i/c and this other card that allow me to go guang zhou are gonna expire on like the 16th..
so another fierce discussion...
and finally settled on me going back on 13th and my sis joining me on 16th..coming back on the same day..
making such a decision wasnt at all easy for me..
i had to give up many many things that are close to my heart.
what's going to happen to central a after the camp?
is everything gonna work out right during christmas?
is my sister gonna spend her birthday on the 24th dec just with my mum alone?
can my mei mei settle the posting of results on her own?
no more ogl camp so do i still go on with it?
i've never had like one whole lump of things coming to me at one shot..like an avalanche.
settle this settle that..
booking tickets on my own..
gonna change visa and passports on my own...
making tough decisions and planning for whats gonna happen with the given situation.
i feel that i've really got to grow up.
its no longer like holding on to a brand new handphone at the age of 11 walking alone on the streets of Hong kong..
but choosing something which i know will affect others..and yet being firm enough to know that this is the way that the kingdom will win..
but...but ...but...how do i know this is in a way that the kingdom will win?
it seemed like the situation is pushing thats why i'm pushed to settle on whatever that appeared to be the best.
did i pass the mic over to God and give Him air time to speak His mind?
am thankful that tmr's my retreat..i'm gonna search for the answer..
for now, i just feel like sitting along the road and rest...maybe eat some bao and drink some tea...
strangely...there's a tinge of assurance and joy.
saying that
everything's gonna be alright.not because i'm able, or the situation will suddenly become favourable to me.
but because
He is a faithful God.anyway, caregroup today was fun! though the unit caregroup looked like its a unit CLM,it was fun coming together,cutting magazines, pasting names, buying food and dropping by houses to bless those O level peeps.
the supposedly atmosphere-spoiler, the rain made it more hilarious and memorable..
being splashed from top to toe at the side of the road, walking the very adventurous short-cut in the rain to shiyou's house,watching sandy's poor jacket getting all the rain upon itself, and me missing my stop in the end cause i fell asleep on the bus.=)
thank God for puiwah, for your ideas and commitment and sincerity.
thank God for those who were there, to share this memory with me.=)
i haven been faithful to write on my dmw book..=(
i've got to learn to write in there in tough times..afterall it records our life..
not just the happy things..
but sharing every bit of emotion and feelings...
mighty 3 in action tomorrow visiting mighty 1..
God, please take control.
okay...=)
Soared at 11/10/2006 12:47:00 AM