Thursday, April 19, 2007
went for a run just now..
after slacking for ultra long,
needed to clear certain things within me..
just me and God.

its something i cant come into agreement with myself,
i cant totally be convinced of my motives..
i know sometimes i rationalize to make myself seem okay,
but being brutally honest with myself,
i cant trust my heart completely..

Jeremiah 17:9
"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.

oh heart of mine,
why do you desire for other things above Him?
is He not enough?
what are you searching for?
what are you trying to secretly achieve?
like a toy that goes a different way from the remote..
like a thieve caught in the act
still thinking that no one sees ..
the battle between the two voices,
only lead to escapism.
perhaps,
a cruel confrontation with the two parties face off,
would bring forth purity.

many times i wish i had rules to follow in every situation,
just tell me the right and the wrong,
what would please Him and what would not,
n i'll choose to paint that smile on His face.

but many times,
the expert in deceit comes into the picture,
push me towards the limit,
to test water,
to play with fire,
landing myself in remorse,
and condemnation.

Jeremiah 17:10
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be."

but we ought to be thankful,
that God doesnt work that way..
its not about those rules,
its not about being caught doing something wrong n i'll be eternally condemned,
but making a choice,
to walk the path of purity.
if rules control my life,
there'll be no growth,
no breakthrough..
just like a blind sheep following the wolf towards "home".



secrets..
things we keep within ourselves..
sometimes we share,
sometimes we hide..
used to have a little journal that records all my secrets..
which is a total of FIVE..
senseless stupid secrets..

"i love......"
"i hate....."
"i love and hate....."
"i dont know if i love or hate......"
"i don't want to write secrets anymore, its not fun."

written in P2,
fill the dotted line with my childhood crush..
and you'll get what i mean by senseless and stupid secrets..

real secrets belong to the mature,
for the not so mature,
they have short-lived secrets,
for the immature,
they have no secrets at all..

that explains why the whole class knew about my crush then..

i guess as we grow,
we've got to learn to keep some secrets,
not too much, cause they'll weigh us down.
go ahead and pour out things in our hearts,
reveal our vulnerabilities,
and we give trust to people we share to.

but being open is not a complete healer to all of heart's burden..
there are things that only belong to me and God..
selfishly dragging people to share ALL of my load
wont make me feel lighter..or happier..
but more immature.

there are some secrets that even when i keep them in my heart,
i can smile heartily,
cause its a common understanding between me and Him,
the one who understands completely.

so perhaps,
before we open our hearts to people,
learn to share our secrets with God..
He'll be a faithful friend to keep His mouth zipped.
so dont worry about gossips.

but i know,
that many times,
keeping a secret is tiring,
having to hide feelings,
change topics,
and i've yet mastered the art of keeping secrets..

what do you think?
how do you handle secrets about you?=)


haha such a vague entry..
saying so much and not mentioning a single word about the situation/the happening..
haha so perhaps this is the secret that belong to only me and Him..
when the time comes to share..
i will.=)


[take me,break me,mould me,make me]

Soared at 4/19/2007 09:20:00 PM