Sunday, July 29, 2007
the stronghold in my life,
will trip me again and again,
the place is different,
the seasons change,
but it's the same old stone.

pride.

it seemed hard to relate pride and winnie together,
i dont think winnie appears to be prideful,
and thats why its freaks me out.

i've hid it so well,
i've used logical reasoning to cover up,
that even i myself was nearly deceived.

i wanted to be strong,
i wanted people around me to say that im zai,
i wanted to juggle everything,
to win praises,
to gain applause.

the hard truth came banging again and again
"without Him, you're not that strong"
yet that voice was often left in the wilderness,
while i continued chasing my own tail,
running harder,
going no where.

"i cannot cope, i really cant"
a simple surrender,
yet it dug out so much from me.

"God, more than about studies and all, am so afraid that i've been living under my own shadow,the flaws that i've been carrying with me,those flaws in my character.it hurts to see myself not living a life fully pleasing to you.i should be joyful,because you've not left me.you break my leg,so i wont continue in my own flawed ways.self denial,self deception.God,sorry that i've not matured,since the previous times,i've not really grown.i still respond the same way,i still couldnt show it to them,they still didnt see you in me...." -bus 190, 28 july, 115pm.

"it's in you,
that i have the faith,
to stand up and be strong"

"nothing in my life can go so wrong that it's out of God's way."

"and i know my God made a way for me...."

put on God's lense,
and look at His ways through His eyes.
and discover,
actually it's not that bad..
actually people do care for me a lot,
actually she loves me more than i thought.

actually, i should be thankful.

thankyou.

Soared at 7/29/2007 11:21:00 PM